Well do I know pain;

Sorrow, my close companion;

Fear, my constant.

Surely am I familiar with grief;

Comrade to despair;

Friend of suffering.

Vulnerability my mainstay;

Confusion my counselor;

Weakness my default.

And yet He says “rest”.

How does one rest in anguish;

Dwelling in uncertainty,

Wallowing in discontent?

How can surrender be sweet

Which leads no straight and certain path to freedom?

How can growth rise

From barren lands

And ashy ground?

In a land of all questions

And no answers,

What hope supplies for want;

Consolation for emptiness;

Comprehension for ignorance?

What shall supply strength;

Impart joy;

Minister courage,

In a place of no water

And ceaseless thirst?

If I can, I’m going to scrounge up some of my old poetry. Most of it is “religious”… if you know what I mean. Theologically-inspired… this weather just makes me want to write again. Perhaps I shall…

God created me

to feel pain

to know sorrow

to hurt deeply

to give fully

to love wholly.

It is not in me

to put aside

the burdens of others

to ignore the tears

which slowly,

surely fall.

God made me

a woman,

of Adam’s race

to feel

and think

and know.

He did not make me

as a beast, tree,

stone

to accept unquestioning

the grief of a world

torn,

by death and sorrow.

I feel, grieve,

thirst

because he made me-

Different.

A creature meant to know

and be known

to hurt

and be hurt

to love

and be loved

To be set apart.

My soul,

eternal

burns the flame

of passion, grief,

and care

but also nurtures

deep within

my hope, and love,

and prayer.

Peace, that passes

understanding

as tread I now the sod

of earth,

my temporary home

in truth -

a child of God.

I was first made

to serve my Lord

with joy, and faith,

secure

to rest assured,

and live my life

established in

his Word.

And still,

this dying world

I call, ‘my home’

and here I am:

ransomed by God

a child of Wonder

bound: to shadowlands.

As trouble makes

my heart-beat

falter

when evil triumphs -

near,

I look upon

all that surrounds me

and know:

I was not made

for here.

from Spurgeon, of course…

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.” – Is. 49:16 

No doubt a part of the wonder which is concentrated in the word “Behold,” is excited by the unbelieving lamentation of the preceding sentence. 

Zion said, “The Lord hath forsaken me, and my God hath forgotten me.” 

How amazed the divine mind seems to be at this wicked unbelief! What can be more astounding than the unfounded doubts and fears of God’s favoured people? 

The Lord’s loving word of rebuke should make us blush; he cries, “How can I have forgotten thee, when I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands? How darest thou doubt my constant remembrance, when the memorial is set upon my very flesh?” 

O unbelief, how strange a marvel thou art! We know not which most to wonder at, the faithfulness of God or the unbelief of his people. 

He keeps his promise a thousand times, and yet the next trial makes us doubt him. 

He never faileth; he is never a dry well; he is never as a setting sun, a passing meteor, or a melting vapour; and yet we are as continually vexed with anxieties, molested with suspicions, and disturbed with fears, as if our God were the mirage of the desert. 

“Behold,” is a word intended to excite admiration. Here, indeed, we have a theme for marvelling. 

Heaven and earth may well be astonished that rebels should obtain so great a nearness to the heart of infinite love as to be written upon the palms of his hands. 

“I have graven thee.”It does not say, “Thy name.” The name is there, but that is not all: “I have graven thee.” See the fulness of this! 

I have graven thy person, thine image, thy case, thy circumstances, thy sins, thy temptations, thy weaknesses, thy wants, thy works; I have graven thee, everything about thee, all that concerns thee; I have put thee altogether there. 

Wilt thou ever say again that thy God hath forsaken thee when he has graven thee upon his own palms?

I think I forgot about the quote-posts promise! My bad!

Here’s one to chew on in the meantime. I’ll throw a whole bunch of them out there as soon as I can. [no promises as to when that may be!]

A chasm is opening between the men who believe their Bibles and the men who are prepared for an advance upon Scripture. Inspiration and speculation cannot long abide in peace. Compromise there can be none. We cannot hold the inspiration of the Word, and yet reject it; we cannot believe in the atonement and deny it; we cannot hold the doctrine of the fall and yet talk of the evolution of spiritual life from human nature; we cannot recognize the punishment of the impenitent and yet indulge the “larger hope.” One way or the other we must go. Decision is the virtue of the hour. 

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

“To every matter there is a bright as well as a dark side…we are apt, at times, like Jacob, to cry, ‘All these things are against me’.  Faith’s way of walking is to cast all care upon the Lord, and then to anticipate good results from the worst calamities….Out of the rough oyster-shell of difficulty she EXTRACTS the rare pearl of honour, and from the deep ocean-caves of distress she uplifts the priceless coral of experience.  When her flood of prosperity ebbs, she finds treasures hid in the sands.” – CHS

A quote series! Since I have so little time to actually blog, I’m hoping to post a quote – hopefully daily – for the enjoyment and enrichment of all.

So – here ‘goes!

“Waiting on God isn’t about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It’s part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn’t to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn’t simply about what I’ll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I’ll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He’s promised. Through the wait He’s changing me. By means of the wait He’s altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He’s causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands.”

It has been a difficult road I have been running recently. The past few years have brought much pain, confusion, and uncertainty. And yet in all of this, one thing has remained constant, and has grown ever dearer and more beautiful to me!

“When all around me falls away, He then is all my hope and stay”

Recent discoveries concerning the root of all of my health issues and the necessary course for treatment have been difficult, but the clarity is a precious thing. And in stepping back to look at the big picture, although I look forward to the future and hopefully a life free of physical complication, I would not trade the past for anything. I can’t explain this any better than my wonderful “friend”, Charles H. Spurgeon:

“Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces. There are some of thy graces which would never be discovered if it were not for thy trials.
 
Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter?
 
Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness.
 
Hope itself is like a star—not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.
 
Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set the jewels of his children’s graces, to make them shine the better.
 
It was but a little while ago that on thy knees thou wast saying, “Lord, I fear I have no faith: let me know that I have faith.” Was not this really, though perhaps unconsciously, praying for trials?—for how canst thou know that thou hast faith until thy faith is exercised?
 
Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered, and that we may be certified of their existence.
 
Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials.
 
God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains his soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs.
 
Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing? Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow? Is not this the reason why he is contending with you?
 
“Trials make the promise sweet;
Trials give new life to prayer;
Trials bring me to his feet,
Lay me low, and keep me there.”

 What beautiful and precious truth! And how I have grown to love the Word, cling to my Savior, and acknowledge my dependence, in these past few years! How can I not trust a God who can do such things in me, when I did not look for them, when I did not desire them… what a Savior!

I may be crawling over the finish line in this race, but I do so with the very strength and perseverance granted me by my bleeding, dying Jesus, who in his pain and sorrow paid for my sin so that I could finish this race.

These comparisons – between my life and the concept of a real race – have blessed and encouraged and convicted me, time and again. Just as Paul did, I love to see the symbolism expressed through the analogy. And what strength is found in the knowledge that I am running this race to receive a crown that will last forever!

This knowledge is what drives me out of bed early in the morning on Saturdays, when I am sick and weak and needy, to acknowledge my dependence before God and cry out for His strength. And to persevere, and run that 12 miles, or whatever is on my training plan, knowing that He will grant me the ability to go just as far as He wants me to go, and no more. And in my limitations and exhaustion and nausea and pain, of late, I have enjoyed the privilege of still being able to run for His glory, and loved expressing my worship before Him “with my feet”!

The following song has been one of my mainstays in trial these past few years, and I love to listen to it in my running mix while I pound out the miles… it’s such a clear expression of the only lasting and steadfast truth that I can cling to.

The One Thing (by Paul Colman)

Well Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
Well I see this life
Its valley’s and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here
Oh that brought me here
Walkin’ down, walkin’ down those roads

Well I’ve questioned my reasons
This life I’m living
I’ve questioned my ability
To judge wrong from right
Well I’ve questioned all the things
I’ve ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

But the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
You really love me like you say you do
So hold me, ’cause I need you
Hold me…

Well I’ve questioned my significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I’m doing really matter at all?
Well I’ve questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

But the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
Yea the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
So hold me, (come on now) hold me
Hold me, (come on, I need your love)
Hold me…

Only one thing doesn’t change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is: your love remains.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,

and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

This post is a tribute to my amazing sister Liz.

Liz is amazing.

In fact, she is so amazing that she does not need posts like this for people to know it. Her amazing-ness speaks for itself.

Below is a very un-recent picture of Liz, simply glowing with amazingness. I would show a more recent picture but she has become even more amazinger since this photo was taken (if that is possible) that I fear something more recent would be too amazing for a humble blog like mine.

I don’t deserve to live in the same house as such an amazing person.

“Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me.”
Job 10:2

Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces. There are some of thy graces which would never be discovered if it were not for thy trials.

Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter?

Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness.

Hope itself is like a star—not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.

Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set the jewels of his children’s graces, to make them shine the better.

It was but a little while ago that on thy knees thou wast saying, “Lord, I fear I have no faith: let me know that I have faith.” Was not this really, though perhaps unconsciously, praying for trials?—for how canst thou know that thou hast faith until thy faith is exercised?

Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered, and that we may be certified of their existence.

Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials.

God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains his soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs.

Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing? Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow? Is not this the reason why he is contending with you?

“Trials make the promise sweet;
Trials give new life to prayer;
Trials bring me to his feet,
Lay me low, and keep me there.”

Recently, I’ve been thinking about and pursuing application of scriptural principle and mindsets when it comes to my day-to-day, mundane activities; those activities which do not seem to fall into the “spiritual” category.

I don’t know about you, but once I get in a routine (get up, eat, go to work, get home, eat, go to bed; get up, eat, go to work, get home, eat, go to bed… etc.) which only varies on weekends, it’s easy for me to get into a “float through the week” mentality where I just half-heartedly “do my duty” Monday through Friday and “live for the weekends”. I lose my eternal perspective, and wind up questioning, when I am weary: “Why am I here? Does this really matter?”

This perspective does not honor the Lord.

Col. 3:17 “and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Col. 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”

Eph 6:8 “Serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not men.”

A study of these verses and some commentaries has led me to infer the following:

1. Our work, as Christians, is set apart for the Lord. Many of us work to support ourselves or others, but our work really is meant to be more than just a practical step to provide for physical needs. Work is an opportunity for us to bring glory to God, and to enjoy Him. (The two essential things which make up our purpose in life as Christians!)

2. A certain type of work is not specified. In other words, there isn’t a distinction between “spiritual” work (i.e. working in a church, in missions, or something along those lines…) and secular work. If we are motivated to serve the Lord, all work is “full-time Christian work”. In our choice of career, God desires that we seek to best use the gifts and talents he has given us, rather than pursue a certain field because we believe it to be more “spiritual” than another.

In other words, we can “sanctify the ordinary” by purposing to recognize and use what the Lord has given us (think the parable of the talents…) in creative, diligent, and faithful ways.

Another important thing to realize is that if all Christians worked in strictly religious work environments, we would not be serving the purpose stated in Matthew – there would be no salt and light in the world. Working in a secular environment puts us in an opportune position to witness and minister to unbelievers. When God calls you to work, that is good work. Your perspective of what may be worthwhile must be dictated by how you have sought God and seen his call on your life.

 
In secular work environments, you also have the opportunity to be responsible, to treat employees and supervisors and students with righteousness and fairness; these are opportunities to represent God’s character to a world that is blind to who He is.

Col. 4:1. “Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a master in heaven.“

It is obvious that our work is one area where we must pursue a spiritual mindset, which lends significance and purpose to our activities and relationships in those atmospheres.

But our call to keep our perspective focused in this way includes more than just our work.

“Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.” (Matt. 5:16).

“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – which is your spiritual worship.” (Rom 12:1)

Work is definitely a part of this call, but these verses and many others speak of a life that brings glory to God through a service to the Lord that extends over all of our life: demonstrating an excellence of character and commitment in our relationships as well as integrity and diligence in all we do. “In short, the call to serve the Lord requires a life where faith and career and faith and relationships are integrated, not isolated.”

As a Christian, you are called to examine what being excellent means for you.

Excellence, as the world defines it, is associated with superiority, competition, and sinful striving for recognition and “self-esteem”. Verification of this type of excellence comes from comparisons made between people, things, or institutions using some external standard.

Excellence as defined biblically can be described as “being of the highest quality” or exceptionally good. Here, the standard is still external, (and must be determined according to scripture) but is non-competitive and not secular in nature or outworking.

Phil. 4:8: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

We could also note that 1 Cor 12 speaks of the many parts of the body, of spiritual gifts, and is followed by 1 Cor 13, the famous love chapter, which is introduced by “and now I will show you the most excellent way.”

These verses speak of seeking to integrate excellence into one’s life as defined by God’s standards, not according to men.

Our pursuit of excellence for God’s glory forces us to establish priorities and make choices concerning how we are to best spend our time so that we can be excellent in the most important areas of our life. As Christians, we must be careful not to sacrifice relationships for ambition. We must establish a balance in our pursuit of excellence in work, relationships, and extracurricular activities which is informed by God’s standards laid out in His word, as well as by the counsel and wisdom of others.

“It must be clear that we can neither neglect our work, as we are working unto the Lord, not unto men, nor become one-dimensional perfectionists at the expense of the rest of our responsibilities. We must never use our Christianity as a rationalization for poor quality work. Also, we should never use our work as an excuse for neglecting our relationships with family, friends, and students.”

We want the world to see what we value. This must be purposefully and specifically defined by each of us; we must seek to determine how best to set an example, to be ambassadors for Christ in every area of our lives. Do your coworkers and fellow students know that you have a different perspective on life: different goals and priorities? They may know you are a Christian by the more blatantly “religious” actions and words which characterize you, but do they know more of God by their observation of you in the “secular” or “ordinary” elements of your life?

Paul said: “Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last. But we do it to get a crown that will last forever.”

Is our pursuit of glorifying and enjoying God limited to our religious activities? Or is it obvious that in all we do others can see that our vision and purpose is fixed upon and motivated by an awareness of God’s call and the joy we take in using our gifts and talents to pursue true excellence?

As Christian we should see excellence “as the state of being of the highest quality as measured by the standards of God. There is no necessity for superiority of one person over others and no particular virtue in being labeled No. 1.” We need to see our lives as the integration of faith with work and relationships and day-to-day activities.

Your spiritual life may shine, but “being No. 1 in one area alone does not justify being a zero in everything else.” We are called to do all things as unto the Lord.

Do you have eyes to see the “spiritual” side of all you do? You will know by two things: a) your joy (or lack thereof) in every area and activity of your life, and b) your definition and prioritization of excellence.