It has been a difficult road I have been running recently. The past few years have brought much pain, confusion, and uncertainty. And yet in all of this, one thing has remained constant, and has grown ever dearer and more beautiful to me!

“When all around me falls away, He then is all my hope and stay”

Recent discoveries concerning the root of all of my health issues and the necessary course for treatment have been difficult, but the clarity is a precious thing. And in stepping back to look at the big picture, although I look forward to the future and hopefully a life free of physical complication, I would not trade the past for anything. I can’t explain this any better than my wonderful “friend”, Charles H. Spurgeon:

“Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces. There are some of thy graces which would never be discovered if it were not for thy trials.
 
Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter?
 
Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness.
 
Hope itself is like a star—not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.
 
Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set the jewels of his children’s graces, to make them shine the better.
 
It was but a little while ago that on thy knees thou wast saying, “Lord, I fear I have no faith: let me know that I have faith.” Was not this really, though perhaps unconsciously, praying for trials?—for how canst thou know that thou hast faith until thy faith is exercised?
 
Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered, and that we may be certified of their existence.
 
Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials.
 
God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains his soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs.
 
Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing? Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow? Is not this the reason why he is contending with you?
 
“Trials make the promise sweet;
Trials give new life to prayer;
Trials bring me to his feet,
Lay me low, and keep me there.”

 What beautiful and precious truth! And how I have grown to love the Word, cling to my Savior, and acknowledge my dependence, in these past few years! How can I not trust a God who can do such things in me, when I did not look for them, when I did not desire them… what a Savior!

I may be crawling over the finish line in this race, but I do so with the very strength and perseverance granted me by my bleeding, dying Jesus, who in his pain and sorrow paid for my sin so that I could finish this race.

These comparisons – between my life and the concept of a real race – have blessed and encouraged and convicted me, time and again. Just as Paul did, I love to see the symbolism expressed through the analogy. And what strength is found in the knowledge that I am running this race to receive a crown that will last forever!

This knowledge is what drives me out of bed early in the morning on Saturdays, when I am sick and weak and needy, to acknowledge my dependence before God and cry out for His strength. And to persevere, and run that 12 miles, or whatever is on my training plan, knowing that He will grant me the ability to go just as far as He wants me to go, and no more. And in my limitations and exhaustion and nausea and pain, of late, I have enjoyed the privilege of still being able to run for His glory, and loved expressing my worship before Him “with my feet”!

The following song has been one of my mainstays in trial these past few years, and I love to listen to it in my running mix while I pound out the miles… it’s such a clear expression of the only lasting and steadfast truth that I can cling to.

The One Thing (by Paul Colman)

Well Here I am
In a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
Well I see this life
Its valley’s and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here
Oh that brought me here
Walkin’ down, walkin’ down those roads

Well I’ve questioned my reasons
This life I’m living
I’ve questioned my ability
To judge wrong from right
Well I’ve questioned all the things
I’ve ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

But the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
You really love me like you say you do
So hold me, ’cause I need you
Hold me…

Well I’ve questioned my significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I’m doing really matter at all?
Well I’ve questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

But the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
Yea the one thing I don’t question is You
You really love me like you say you do
So hold me, (come on now) hold me
Hold me, (come on, I need your love)
Hold me…

Only one thing doesn’t change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is: your love remains.

 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,

and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”